Haunted by his Memory
by scorpion22
Summary: Allie contemplates her life after Tyler's death after she has a dream. I own nothing.


I own nothing.

Chapter 1

Allie's POV…

Slowly my eyes opened out of the haze and the first image I saw was his face. His beautiful stubble worn face with that smile I loved, Tyler, he was there. I was lying on the bed and he was laying over me like he had done so many times before it was like everything hadn't changed. Only one thing bothered me, I wasn't sure if this was all in my mind, if I was dreaming, and it was all true. I didn't want it to be true, I didn't want him to be dead; I wanted this to be true and him to be here with me. Maybe that's why I couldn't take my eyes off him. He looked just the same, his hair, the look on his face. Only one thing was different, the smile on his face; it looked so sad. But I didn't have time to fully contemplate it because suddenly he was kissing me. He was kissing me and it was the best thing in the world. It was wonderful as his hands cupped my face and mine fisted into his shirt. I could feel his breath steady against mine, but when my hand wrapped around his wrist I couldn't hold in my gasp. He was so cold, but that only invaded my mind for a millisecond as his tongue used the opportunity to slip inside with mine. In that moment nothing else mattered only his kiss, his touch, and his body lying over mine.

"Tyler," I breathed when our lips parted feeling how cold he was again compared to my warmth before he kissed me again as if he would never do so again.

"I was afraid I lost you," I whispered slipping my arms around him as he kissed me again my heart finally realizing that he was real.

That fact became all too real when that kiss finally ended. He stared down at me still as I stared right back. I was so happy in that moment, he was there, he was real, and it had all been just one big nightmare. He hadn't died he was still here with me. That was why I didn't understand the look in his eyes, they still looked so sad, but why. Why wasn't he as happy as me? He was here, I was here, we were together; what was there to be sad about?

"Goodbye Allie, I love you," said Tyler his voice like the wind as it moved through my ears.

"I love you too, Tyler," I gasped tears in my eyes as I somehow felt his love for me in every bone in my body. I let him kiss me again then my hands wrapping around his neck as if to keep him there with me forever. This kiss was tender, so tender it was almost surreal. I could still feel his love, my love; it was like they had been combined into one. It was almost magical until he pulled away our noses touching.

"I'll miss you," whispered Tyler his touch on my cheek light as a feather. I didn't understand what he was talking about in that moment. Why would he miss me? Where was he going? He was going to stay with me, wasn't he? Suddenly we were surrounded by a brilliant white light; I was blinded, I didn't see him leave me, but I felt it.

"Tyler?" I exclaimed blinking as the light disappeared and I found myself alone once more in the bed I had shared so many love filled nights in with him. Immediately I panicked, he was gone, he couldn't be gone, I loved him I couldn't lose him, he couldn't be gone.

"TYLER!" I screamed.

I flung the blankets away and sprung from the bed moving down the hallway.

"Tyler, come back," I exclaimed my breathing becoming heavy as I ran my eyes through the darkness searching for him. I was sure that this wasn't real. That this was one of his tricks where he would jump out to try to scare me, but the longer my pleas went unanswered the more I felt my life ending. He wasn't jumping from the darkness, he wasn't doing any of the things I wanted; the room was completely dark and empty. Suddenly my vision was blurred by the salty wetness of my own tears as my knees gave out. I felt wood on my fingertips as I hit the floor and nothing seemed to matter anymore. He was gone.

"Come back, Tyler. I love you; I need you," I sobbed my whole body convulsing as I found myself a vulnerable ball on the floor. Life suddenly had no meaning. If Tyler was gone then what was the point of all my pointless ploys to survive? What was the point of eating dessert first and never taking the subway? If Tyler could die just like that what was the point? But then my eyes opened. Blinking I found myself looking not into Tyler's eyes, but Aiden's. He was staring down at me both our eyes red from crying the night away. Just seeing him in that moment made it more real than ever. Tyler was gone and now it was just us all alone.

"You were screaming his name," whispered Aiden his hands on my shoulders as he helped me sit up in the bed we once shared. Silently I looked around again expecting Tyler to pop into view, but when I looked at Aiden I knew the truth I just didn't want to believe it.

"Was it a nightmare? Was it real?" I whispered looking into his eyes for the answer. I wanted him to tell me yes, that it was a dream, and Tyler was just at his mom's or at the diner. I wanted him to be alive and well, but the look in his eyes said otherwise. His eyes said Tyler was dead and it broke me.

"Tyler's dead, Allie," whispered Aiden pulling me into a hug breaking down in the same moment as I did. It all came crashing down on me in that moment as he held me in his arms crying by my side. Tyler was gone, he was never coming back, and I still didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go back to a life with him in it.

"I want him back," I exclaimed feeling as Aiden nodded in agreement his tears falling into my hair.

Many mornings after that would have the same outcome. I would want it to be a bad dream, but it never would be. Tyler was gone and he left nothing, but a shattered version of me behind.

"There is no life without him," I thought every day. Life was different now; now I just walk through it in a haze. I know I will never stop missing him. I know despite what people say that I will never love again. He was the love of my life and I will never want anyone that isn't him. I loved him.

"I miss you," I whisper when I visit his grave all alone. I don't tell him how he took my heart and my soul and my spirit with him because I think he already knows. Everything changed after he left me here. I don't feel the same nor do I think I ever will. I feel empty without him. I miss his kisses. I miss waking up to his arms around me. I miss him every day of my life. My life isn't the same anymore and it never will be again. I'm not afraid anymore, I'm not afraid to get on the subway or walk down the street alone. I eat my dessert last now for if I die before I do I will be happy now. Death is not something I fear anymore. Death is now something I look forward to.

Without Tyler my life is incomplete and if I died tomorrow I am happy with the knowledge that he would be there waiting for me on the other side.


End file.
